YOUR EYES: Friend or Foe?
Apr 06, 2012 Posted by Corrie Shenigo
Sure, sure… “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and “eyes are the window to the soul”… people love to wax poetic about those peepers. But I was confronted with the cold hard truth this morning after a week of sleeplessly slogging through my taxes – and it’s nothing close to the floral poetic crap usually spouted about the eyes. It’s much, much worse.
Stayed out past your curfew? Guess who’s going to rat you out? That’s right, your eyes.
Enjoyed too many after work cocktails? How will your colleagues ever know? They wouldn’t, if your eyes would learn to keep their big fat mouths shut.
Crammed an all-nighter to finish that presentation you said was already in the can? Your reliable reputation is secure, right? Wrong! Damn you, eyes!
THE COLD HARD TRUTH:
Your eyes are jerks. Sure, sure they help you see stuff and avoid some dangerous pitfalls and all, but… honestly your ocular devices are fair weather friends. Give them a reason… any reason to spill the beans on what you were up to last night and they will sing like the jerk-face canaries they really are. Redness, undereye baggage, dark circles, crow’s feet!? Your eyes aren’t the windows to your soul, they’re windows to your secret single behaviors and to the real age on your drivers license! They cannot be trusted.
But hey, if you can’t join ‘em… beat ‘em (or something like that) – with the help of a recent Fitness magazine article called “The Eye’s Have It” which takes a cold, hard look at “erase[ing] fine lines, dark circles and puffiness” with a few “ultraeasy secrets.” Which means DO NOT tell your eyes about this. (Though you and I both know that they're always watching. Creepy.)
According to the workout mag, the skin around your eyes can age faster than other body parts due to its thin, delicate nature. It seems every expression we make effects your ocular area, temporarily creasing the skin, which encourages the wrinkling associated with age. Voila! You wake up one morning and suddenly you’ve got the beginnings of bonafide crow’s feet.
Listen, we all have our social burdens… whether it’s a nosy neighbor, an overbearing boss, or jerk-face eyes that won’t leave well enough alone, you don’t need to take it lying down. Instead. Consider fighting crow’s feet with retinol. Delicately dabbing this magical potion around the bone of your eye socket can improve firmness in the area. Essentially countering your eyes tendency to tattle.
Dark circles are another way that your eyes treat you like the crap-friend they are. From allergies, to irritation, to tax-induced fatigue, your eyes just love to knock you down to raccoon status. But I say, “no more!” Obviously, addressing the source by cutting down on the problems is the best way to address dark under eye circles, but for those of you (like myself) who prefer a more immediate type of action, Fitness mag recommends using an eye cream with kojic acid in it. K-acid (we’re super good friends) is a botanical skin lightener that can assist in helping spots fade on into oblivion where they belong.
And what of the dreaded under eye baggage that shows up when you could have sworn you put those bags down years ago. One delicious word: caffeine, or rather caffeine-laced topical cream. The caffeine serves to soothe puffiness and decreases swelling. So… on top of cutting those late nights down to a minimum, try slapping some good ol’ caffeine on the issue. Another helpful tip for fighting back against your mean-girl eyes is a little extra elevation – pillowtalk (now, now… behave!) Try sleeping on an extra pillow at night to help prevent fluid buildup.
Don’t let your ocular frenemies, namely your eyes dictate your lives with their tyrannical ways. They are jerks. Plain and simple. Beautiful, soulful jerks – just like your last musician boyfriend. (Oh wait. That may have been me.)
Stayed out past your curfew? Guess who’s going to rat you out? That’s right, your eyes.
Enjoyed too many after work cocktails? How will your colleagues ever know? They wouldn’t, if your eyes would learn to keep their big fat mouths shut.
Crammed an all-nighter to finish that presentation you said was already in the can? Your reliable reputation is secure, right? Wrong! Damn you, eyes!
THE COLD HARD TRUTH:
Your eyes are jerks. Sure, sure they help you see stuff and avoid some dangerous pitfalls and all, but… honestly your ocular devices are fair weather friends. Give them a reason… any reason to spill the beans on what you were up to last night and they will sing like the jerk-face canaries they really are. Redness, undereye baggage, dark circles, crow’s feet!? Your eyes aren’t the windows to your soul, they’re windows to your secret single behaviors and to the real age on your drivers license! They cannot be trusted.
But hey, if you can’t join ‘em… beat ‘em (or something like that) – with the help of a recent Fitness magazine article called “The Eye’s Have It” which takes a cold, hard look at “erase[ing] fine lines, dark circles and puffiness” with a few “ultraeasy secrets.” Which means DO NOT tell your eyes about this. (Though you and I both know that they're always watching. Creepy.)
According to the workout mag, the skin around your eyes can age faster than other body parts due to its thin, delicate nature. It seems every expression we make effects your ocular area, temporarily creasing the skin, which encourages the wrinkling associated with age. Voila! You wake up one morning and suddenly you’ve got the beginnings of bonafide crow’s feet.
Listen, we all have our social burdens… whether it’s a nosy neighbor, an overbearing boss, or jerk-face eyes that won’t leave well enough alone, you don’t need to take it lying down. Instead. Consider fighting crow’s feet with retinol. Delicately dabbing this magical potion around the bone of your eye socket can improve firmness in the area. Essentially countering your eyes tendency to tattle.
Dark circles are another way that your eyes treat you like the crap-friend they are. From allergies, to irritation, to tax-induced fatigue, your eyes just love to knock you down to raccoon status. But I say, “no more!” Obviously, addressing the source by cutting down on the problems is the best way to address dark under eye circles, but for those of you (like myself) who prefer a more immediate type of action, Fitness mag recommends using an eye cream with kojic acid in it. K-acid (we’re super good friends) is a botanical skin lightener that can assist in helping spots fade on into oblivion where they belong.
And what of the dreaded under eye baggage that shows up when you could have sworn you put those bags down years ago. One delicious word: caffeine, or rather caffeine-laced topical cream. The caffeine serves to soothe puffiness and decreases swelling. So… on top of cutting those late nights down to a minimum, try slapping some good ol’ caffeine on the issue. Another helpful tip for fighting back against your mean-girl eyes is a little extra elevation – pillowtalk (now, now… behave!) Try sleeping on an extra pillow at night to help prevent fluid buildup.
Don’t let your ocular frenemies, namely your eyes dictate your lives with their tyrannical ways. They are jerks. Plain and simple. Beautiful, soulful jerks – just like your last musician boyfriend. (Oh wait. That may have been me.)