I woke up the other morning indignant, confused and traumatized. No, I did not wake up to another sonic boom (thanks NASA, by the way). Nor did I wake from a nightmare involving clowns… again. But let me paint a picture of what did happen.

There I was, all snuggled into my new 1000 count sheets and freshly dry-cleaned goose down comforter. My eye-mask was gently in place and I could still smell the soothing scents of lavender lingering on the triple down pillows that were strategically placed like clouds around my head. (What can I say? I’m in love with linens.) It was bliss. A bliss I was all-too-rudely awaken from by a single paw of protest to the eye from Josephine, who wasn’t pleased with the half-empty food bowl situation that was brewing in the kitchen. (Subtle, Cat… real subtle.)



Once I figured out that the feline was not to be ignored, I rolled out of bed and immediately stepped in what I’m sure was another manifestation of the aforementioned kitty civil unrest. (Way to keep it classy.) But lest you think these lesser animal affronts were what set me on the path of rage that fine morning, let me tell you what really set me on the path of rage and destruction. A gargantuan, shiny red blemish had sprung from my freshly exfoliated upper right cheekbone and was staring at me with the wrath of a 1000 Byzantine slaves, just daring me to defy it’s claim on what I assumed was my own private property – my damn face!

While I can appreciate pop-up street artists “decorating” a billboard or street sign or some such other establish-y ‘canvas’, I’m so not cool with bacteria sticking it to one of my unsuspecting pores (aka The Man), and then staring back at me from my own bathroom mirror in defiance. How dare you, Sir!

But dare it did, and after nearly having to gnaw my own hands off to not pick at the offending blemish, I sat down in defeat and wondered why? (It was really more like Why!? God!? Why!?) With all the care I’ve been taking lately to gleam and glow (vitamins, lots of water, washing and moisturizing both day and night), why would the complexion gods target me for an undeserving and ridiculously ill-timed breakout?!

Like the beauty know-it-alls they are, Glamour magazine recently had a few suggestions on why a sudden break-out might occur – some of which were ridiculously obvious. I say this not to diss the beauty guru’s at Glamour, but because that more than likely explains why I didn’t think of them myself, what with my chalking the cause to either a vendetta of the gods or an outbreak of the bubonic plague. But I digress. Author Courtney Dunlop, in the article “What’s Rally Causing Your Sudden Breakouts” talks to some Dermies and presents her top three reasons for a sudden onslaught of pimply pustules… as well as the all-important what to do about them.



I'm not saying that this article was easy to read. I love living in denial, so when some uppity journalist or scientist or doctor tells me that something that I love is probably the reason for my… um… ‘unmentionable eruption’, I tend to balk. But for the sake of argument and for your own sake, dear readers… I shall present her evidence against three things that I love.

#1: My cell-phone/ life-line/ friend. Think about it, we toss these handy gadgets on bar tops and into our purses and pockets, heck I even recently tossed mine on the counter of an airport bathroom (I know. I am gross.) So does this bad boy collect double duty on the germs? In a word: yes. And do we then place our electronic friend lovingly against the skin of our face? Yes. And is that gross? Yes.

According to Ms. Dunlop and Joel Schlessinger, MD and founder of the skin-education tool LovelySkin.com, cell phones and earbuds (*gasp! Not those too!) are like petri dishes covered in bacteria from our hands and purses (and airport bathrooms), which end up on our skin. “And smart phones, which are bigger than flip-style phones, can affect a larger face area.” Added Dr. Schlessinger, in an obvious fit of buzz-kill. So what do you do? I mean, it’s not like you could live without your cell phone/ life-line/ friend – (what in the hell did people do before commercial mobile phones?)

Fortunately, Schlessinger sprinkles his message of doom and gloom with a sprinkling of hope, namely a few key things you can do to offset the bacteria that your cell phone friend seems to have such affinity for. Like washing and wiping those areas on your face that may have unknowingly caressed your gadget (namely your face, neck, cheek and ear) with an anti-acne toner with anti-bacterial ingredients like alcohol and oil-dissolving salicylic acid. Dr. Doom… ahem… I mean Schlessinger also recommends ‘cleaning your gizmos’ weekly and using a cell-phone holder or earpiece to avoid allergic reactions to the metal on the phone.



Culprit #2:
Yet another well-loved and life-affirming thing down the drain (Sure, some of you may argue that a cell-phone needn’t be life-affirming or well-loved… but you say tomato, I say shut up.): Hook-up Acne. And while Glamour may win the award for crappy titling, the message is clear – just one night of sleeping with makeup, sweat and oil on your skin is a perfect playground for that pesky wrath of the gods… I mean… a breakout. Dermatologist Hilary Reich, takes this ‘hook-up acne’ theory (I’m sorry… but I must roll my eyes at this title. I must.) one step further in discussing the dangers of sleeping with your cheek against your SO’s (significant others) chest, arm or back. “His oils get transferred to your face, and the heat from his skin pushes them deep into your pores.” Okay… that is truly disgusting. Thanks Dr. Reich – I hate you.

The answer… in Glamour form? Stashing and preparation. Stash some cleansing wipes near your bed for a quick, stealth wipe-down before crashing (or just wash your face before bed… come-on… if your man can’t hack seeing you without make-up, I say save on the ninja face-wipes and get a new man.), and wash in the morning with a salicylic-acid face wash to counter-act any oils collected in your pores in the middle of the night.

Culprit #3:
Hotdogs.
Okay, okay… not merely hotdogs, but also mac and cheese, amazing pizza, salty potato chips, sauerkraut balls, beloved popsicles - most delicious comfort foods. Chalk it up to yet another well-loved, life-affirming and ultimately nurturing part of life… down the drain. Dr. Nicholas Perricone, MD, author of The Acne Prescription says that eating starchy (delicious) foods cause insulin levels to spike and states that “that cranks up oil production and creates inflammation and blockage around the pores.” (Good God, he’s a drag.) And, on top of that, delicious cheese and ice cream is out too as many Dermies say there’s a dairy connection too. As milk producers increase hormone levels in their products, dairy tends to amp up oil glands = total drag.

The fix here is pretty simple. Don’t eat crap. In a recent study, those participants who followed a low-glycemic diet of lean proteins, whole grain carbs, nuts and fresh veggies enjoyed a 51% improvement in their acne after three months. The article also recommends supplements such as anti-inflammatories (like green tea, zinc, fish oil) which calm swelling around the pores. – Thanks Dr. Perricone! And thanks Glamour – I guess. I’m still on the fence. I love hotdogs. And my cell phone.



'til Next Time!