Oh Cosmo… you truly are a wealth of knowledge. You expose, you entertain and you educate… yes, Cosmo educates. For instance, in a recent article – appropriately entitled “Fascinating Breast Facts” – the oh-so-fashionable mag shares a wealth of… um… fascinating breast facts. Do tell?!

It’s important to know your body, and since a whole host of our Project Beauty Readers do indeed have breasts, we thought now might be a good time to get to know a little nitty-gritty about “the girls." See how I refrained from the obvious ‘nitty-gritty’ rhyming? I’m the picture of restraint.

Let’s start at the top – the tip-top (aka. your nipples.) It’s not a major revelation that, like most human features, all nipples come in varying shapes, sizes and colors. Anyone who’s hit the ladies locker room can attest to that. But did you know that, like belly buttons, nipples also come as innies or outies (and probably in-betweenies) – and there ain’t no baby doctor in the world who can take credit for the outcome. Sure, outies are way more common than innies (inverted nipples), but according to Cosmo, a gaggle of ‘mystery’ scientists think that as many as 20% of women could have them. Since a survey on this one could be… um… awkward – let’s just take their word for it, shall we?

As far as inverted nipples go, there are actually two types: a less prevalent one that totally points inward (there’s a little hole in the middle of the areola), and one that is completely flat, but like the star of stage and screen that she is, makes an appearance when she’s… um… turned on… and also when she’s cold. Either way she’s perfectly capable of doing what she was born to do – that is nourish el baby. She’s a star… what can she say?


While we’re talking nipples, what the heck are those little bumps on the outside edges of yours? I asked the very same thing. Those bumps are called Montgomery glands (Let’s call ‘em Monty… we’re all friends here.) and they provide lubrication to your nip when baby takes a sip (aka. Breastfeeding.) Truly ingenious, no?

And since we’re on the subject of uniqueness, your twins are more than likely not identical – and that’s how it should be. In fact, most women will have one breast that’s larger than the other… and it’s usually the left one. Those fancy mystery scientists believe that your leftie may have more estrogen receptors – which could cause it to grow more during puberty. Yep… I know this sounds odd, but it comes straight from a study published in the Annals of Plastic Surgery. Super official. I know.

Since it appears it’s only legal for women to go topless in certain cities and states – Maine, New York, Austin, TX, Boulder, CO (naturally, tee-hee), Columbus, OH, Portland, OR, Santa Cruz, CA, and Washington, D.C. – a good bra, whether you’re running from zombies or just resting on your zombie-killin’ laurels is vital. - Zombies? Really? Yes. Sorry. - The trick to finding a good bra is much like any conundrum, identify, divide and conquer.

Identification is key. Don’t be silly, we know that you know exactly where they are, but are they shallow, medium or full shaped? Shallow breasts generally slope down to meet the nipple and the bottom is typically fuller; medium breasts, instead of sloping, come straight down to meet the nipple; and full breasts round up at the top and the bottom. Here’s a handy little diagram.


If you’re rocking a set of shallow breasts, your best bra bet is a little something elegantly called a balconette (aka. A demi bra.) This type of bra is built to cradle your gals from the undersides – which is exactly where shallow breast tissue is fullest. Medium breasts will be happy in most bra styles – but if you want to show off your ladies a nice plunging bra with an underwire should do the trick. And lastly, a generous blessing of fuller breasts demand (Yes! Demand.) extra support like that of a bra with a contoured cup to mold to the shape of each breast.

Do not get me started (okay, I’m started) on the virtues of a good sports bra! As you run (to slay zombies), your breasts bound 8” vertically. E-I-G-H-T INCHES!!! A study from the University of Portsmouth also found that running lady-parts also move in a figure 8-ish pattern – 50% up and 50% down, 22% side to side and 27% in and out. Regardless, that’s too many 8’s for my liking – and it happens when you walk too! I expound on this a little further in my blog post titled “Bouncing Bosums: Too Much Motion In Your Ocean.” Click on it. Read it. Then go get a good sports bra. Do it.

And there you have it. Cosmo and Project Beauty... exposing, entertaining AND educating – one breast at a time.