In a fit of “Oh my god! My life is so completely disorganized! I need order dammit! Order!!”- Premenstrual Panic I decided it was high time for what I like to call 'The Great Purge'. And before you, my dear readers, jump to action to stage an eating disorder intervention, let me explain myself.

'The Great Purge' is where I completely lose it and start ripping my closets and bathrooms to shreds tossing out (I maintain sanity enough to donate the good bits) every dress and jacket that I haven’t worn in a good while, each t-shirt and sweater sullied with an errant wine stain or moth hole (I hate you moths - but I love you, vino. I do.), and each and every pair of shoes (the agony!) that have seen a better day - even the single suede boot whose mate is still floating somewhere in London’s River Thames (don’t ask – we’ll be here forever with that story).



Not even my cosmetics are safe. And considering the onslaught of articles I’ve been reading about make-up’s expiration dates and contamination, that’s probably a good thing. ‘Cause I found some seriously expired product, people – and it wasn’t pretty.

Now is the time when some of you may be asking: Use by dates? Really? Um… yes. It’s like the circle of life. Does the fancy English proverb “All good, shiny, glossy, powdery and sparkly things must come to an end” ring a bell? – well, something like that.



New findings by UK's Opinium Research shows that nearly 15% of cosmetics buyers aren’t even aware that beauty products actually expire, and a further 49% who are actually armed with the knowledge that this timeline exists don’t even bother to check it. And while I sort of already knew about these ‘use by dates’, I guess I just hoped that by ignoring them they would go away (Psychological issue #74: classic avoidance = check!) But I digress.

So now we’re all aware – hurrah! Next let’s welcome back our good and naughty friends ‘bacteria’.



Yep… this is another beauty disaster that we can blame on these guys and it starts the second you rip open the packaging and dive headlong into that new mascara, lipstick or powder.

Consider that bacteria, yeasts and molds are always present in our skin, our hair, all the stuff we touch and the fancy shiny air we breath (Seems gross. I know. We’ll just have to live with it.) And while those micro-organisms are mostly harmless, they can still lead to product spoilage as the product ages and its preservatives don’t work so well as they did from the get go. All this fancy science can in turn lead to you rocking skin irritations (No. Thank you.), giant zitty pustules (I said No!) and even infections (NOO! NO MEANS NO!) – and no tantrum is big enough to stave off this natural reaction. Trust me. I tried.

In an effort to ward off such gross-ities as conjunctivitis from older-than-god mascaras and liners, and/or peri-oral dermatitis from yucky (and probably smelly) makeup sponges and powders – (thanks to dermatologist, Dr. Angela Bowers M.D. for enlightening us to the apocalyptic catastrophes that await. – Yes… thank you for the nightmares.) we figured we should provide a few helpful safety tips. So nice.

Riddle me this. How long should a gal hold out hope that her cosmetics collection hasn’t turned into the mother of all science experiments?



Here’s the lowdown - ladies you might want to sit down:

<ol>
<li>1. Mascara, while being the magnifying miracle of lady eyeballs everywhere, only lasts between four to six months. If the purchase date confounds you due to one too many pre-night out cocktails (you know who you are) than go by this little adage - “If it smells, say farewells.” Promptly dump it in the trash. This also applies to any disgusting wand goopiness. "If it's goop, could be poop." - Toss it. </li>

<li>2. Eye shadows and Blush have a little more shelf life – as in 18 to 24 months. Tiny blessings.</li>

<li>3. Lipstick and Lip Gloss can last between 12 to 24 months if you keep it to yourself. Of course that’s another story entirely if you pass your gloss around to the ladies at the traditional Sunday Brunch Post-Weekend Pow-Wow like I do. – I know it’s wrong. What can I say? I’m a giver.</li>

<li>4. Eye and Lip Liners generally last for about 18 months.</li>

<li>5. Foundations should probably be tossed after 12 months (with the exception of powdered foundations which you can hold onto for 24 months.) "If it smells funky. It's junky." So toss it.</li>

<li>6. And lastly Perfume should really only be kept for about 36 months. (*screech!) Perfume? What? Really? I know, I know it’s not cheap, ladies. But fo’ realz… think of the dire consequences – (again, thanks to Doc Bowers for painting that pretty picture.) </li>
</ol>

The point is: It's time ladies. Check your own cosmetics case and embrace the ritual ‘purge’ – because, while beauty is timeless, beauty products (unfortunately) are not.



'til Next Time!