Doing Away With Death (In Your Lifetime)
Dec 08, 2011 Posted by Martha Drezin
"Today I've made a major decision: I am never going to die." These are the words of Lenny Abramov, aging-resistant antihero of a "Super Sad True Love Story."
After a lifetime of looking for a soul mate, I am so happy to meet Lenny. Like Lenny, I'm not dying either. Finally, there's someone who gets me. Sadly, Lenny and I will never gaze at each other in a crowded Starbuck's or sneak glances at each other's iPhones. Though on the same page, we will meet only on the printed page, which translates to a love affair kindled on my Kindle, which, by the way, you can never get enough of.
There are many good reasons not to die. You can still watch movies, keep all your stuff and, as they say, watch "everything that goes around, come around." Lenny's fictional employer, "Indefinite Life Extension Company" focuses on "post-human" services. As in postgraduate studies, Lenny's company provides services for you following graduation from your normal life span.
Woody Allen is not the only one shares my disaffinity for death. Alan Mintz, MD, who was a radiologist (in real life), had a similar gig. But unlike Lenny, he is not my soul mate. Mintz founded the Cenegenics Medical Institute in Las Vegas, a medical institute specializing in "age management medicine."
So, how do you manage your age? You could ingest four ounces of Moroccan Oil Hair Conditioner, but that may be poisonous. Maybe the guy who manages your pileup of cash can also manage your pileup of years? Or, since age management translates to time management, why not take a time management course?
Hanneke Hops was a 56-year-old marathon runner who rode horses and flew private planes. She turned to Minsk to halt her aging process, which she believed would prevent her from performing the physically strenuous and challenging feats that defined her life.
Minsk prescribed recombinant human growth hormone (HGH), a synthetic version of a pituitary hormone that is touted as a miraculous fountain of youth. Six times a week, before her morning workout and her hot cup of oatmeal, Hanneke Hops started her day with a shot of HGH, fresh from the refrigerator, injected into her thigh. Profiled in The Chronicle, November 2003, "…Hops said her daily injections of human growth hormone were making her feel stronger, healthier and happier."
Six months later, in 2004, Hops was dead, her liver full of malignant tumors. It is not possible to prove that HGH therapy contributed to Hops's death. About Hop's death, Dr. Minsk said she would not have been treated if he knew she had cancer.
Hops was unaware of these FDA warnings: "Among the possible long-term side effects of HGH is an increased risk of cancer, and other dangerous side effects have been reported, including nerve pain and elevated cholesterol and glucose levels."
Dr. Mintz died at the tender age of 69 from bleeding during a biopsy. He had been suffering from problems with his brain, possibly because of a stroke. In 2006, one year before his death, Mintz was featured on 60 Minutes at the height of a career that after 9 years, in 2006, was expected to yield 20 million. A master of understatement, Mintz remarked, "It's a very good practice."
Mintz had been injecting himself with HGH for about 10 years. When asked, "Are you sure? Are you absolutely positive, absent any scientific studies that the treatments that you're giving now won't prove to be detrimental to someone's health five, 10, 15 years from now when all of the evidence is in?" Mintz replied, "If you talk about five, 10, 15 years, I'm pretty comfortable. "No, I'm not absolutely sure. Only a fool is absolutely sure. Am I confident? Do I sleep well at night? Yes."
Minsk and his age-defying colleagues, while they don't promise eternal life, are magnets for women who believe they can reverse poor sleep, flagging energy and libido loss. Anti-aging doctors can be found, 24,000 members strong, in the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine, representing a threat to your health and pocketbook.
The basic plan is to take a 60-year-old woman and duplicate the hormone environment she had when she was 20. By boosting HGH levels with injections that can cost $12,000 or more per year, the hope is to reduce body fat, build muscle, improve sexual function and up your energy level. Notably, this is not a field that endocrinologists go into or a field in which you can achieve board certification. Anti-aging is not a specialty recognized by the American Board of Medical Specialties. Says Thomas Perls, MD, associate professor of medicine at Boston U, "It's outrageous that people think they can prescribe these toxic hormone soups."
As for me, a little extra libido is not worth it. I'm saving my money until Apple puts an "I-am-alive" iPhone on the market, which will capture my image (though others without these devices may think I am dead). Meanwhile, this holiday season, I am giving everyone I love a copy of "Super Sad True Love Story" by Gary Shteyngart.
After a lifetime of looking for a soul mate, I am so happy to meet Lenny. Like Lenny, I'm not dying either. Finally, there's someone who gets me. Sadly, Lenny and I will never gaze at each other in a crowded Starbuck's or sneak glances at each other's iPhones. Though on the same page, we will meet only on the printed page, which translates to a love affair kindled on my Kindle, which, by the way, you can never get enough of.
There are many good reasons not to die. You can still watch movies, keep all your stuff and, as they say, watch "everything that goes around, come around." Lenny's fictional employer, "Indefinite Life Extension Company" focuses on "post-human" services. As in postgraduate studies, Lenny's company provides services for you following graduation from your normal life span.
Woody Allen is not the only one shares my disaffinity for death. Alan Mintz, MD, who was a radiologist (in real life), had a similar gig. But unlike Lenny, he is not my soul mate. Mintz founded the Cenegenics Medical Institute in Las Vegas, a medical institute specializing in "age management medicine."
So, how do you manage your age? You could ingest four ounces of Moroccan Oil Hair Conditioner, but that may be poisonous. Maybe the guy who manages your pileup of cash can also manage your pileup of years? Or, since age management translates to time management, why not take a time management course?
Hanneke Hops was a 56-year-old marathon runner who rode horses and flew private planes. She turned to Minsk to halt her aging process, which she believed would prevent her from performing the physically strenuous and challenging feats that defined her life.
Minsk prescribed recombinant human growth hormone (HGH), a synthetic version of a pituitary hormone that is touted as a miraculous fountain of youth. Six times a week, before her morning workout and her hot cup of oatmeal, Hanneke Hops started her day with a shot of HGH, fresh from the refrigerator, injected into her thigh. Profiled in The Chronicle, November 2003, "…Hops said her daily injections of human growth hormone were making her feel stronger, healthier and happier."
Six months later, in 2004, Hops was dead, her liver full of malignant tumors. It is not possible to prove that HGH therapy contributed to Hops's death. About Hop's death, Dr. Minsk said she would not have been treated if he knew she had cancer.
Hops was unaware of these FDA warnings: "Among the possible long-term side effects of HGH is an increased risk of cancer, and other dangerous side effects have been reported, including nerve pain and elevated cholesterol and glucose levels."
Dr. Mintz died at the tender age of 69 from bleeding during a biopsy. He had been suffering from problems with his brain, possibly because of a stroke. In 2006, one year before his death, Mintz was featured on 60 Minutes at the height of a career that after 9 years, in 2006, was expected to yield 20 million. A master of understatement, Mintz remarked, "It's a very good practice."
Mintz had been injecting himself with HGH for about 10 years. When asked, "Are you sure? Are you absolutely positive, absent any scientific studies that the treatments that you're giving now won't prove to be detrimental to someone's health five, 10, 15 years from now when all of the evidence is in?" Mintz replied, "If you talk about five, 10, 15 years, I'm pretty comfortable. "No, I'm not absolutely sure. Only a fool is absolutely sure. Am I confident? Do I sleep well at night? Yes."
Minsk and his age-defying colleagues, while they don't promise eternal life, are magnets for women who believe they can reverse poor sleep, flagging energy and libido loss. Anti-aging doctors can be found, 24,000 members strong, in the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine, representing a threat to your health and pocketbook.
The basic plan is to take a 60-year-old woman and duplicate the hormone environment she had when she was 20. By boosting HGH levels with injections that can cost $12,000 or more per year, the hope is to reduce body fat, build muscle, improve sexual function and up your energy level. Notably, this is not a field that endocrinologists go into or a field in which you can achieve board certification. Anti-aging is not a specialty recognized by the American Board of Medical Specialties. Says Thomas Perls, MD, associate professor of medicine at Boston U, "It's outrageous that people think they can prescribe these toxic hormone soups."
As for me, a little extra libido is not worth it. I'm saving my money until Apple puts an "I-am-alive" iPhone on the market, which will capture my image (though others without these devices may think I am dead). Meanwhile, this holiday season, I am giving everyone I love a copy of "Super Sad True Love Story" by Gary Shteyngart.