I’ve seen scary, and let me tell you it doesn’t even hold a candle to the horror that I became after laying on the couch for 10 days fighting off the Black Death (okay… it was pneumonia – but same thing.) Visualize the unfortunate offspring of a chupacabra and a pterodactyl and you’ll be somewhere in the ballpark of my visage after this little unwanted vacation.



Oh, sure… the Black Death Diet will certainly shave off a few lbs., but in it’s place? Mushiness. Folks, it doesn’t take long for someone in relatively decent shape to turn into a mushy, doughy mass if reclining on your couch becomes the days (weeks) main pose. And since, as Americans, we spend an inordinate amount of time slothing on the couch while the magic box (aka. TV) glistens in front of us like a dancing monkey (I love you Food Network. I do.) – it might be time to take a cold hard look at the facts. (It’s called tough love, folks – and this hurts me more than it hurts you.)

According to Nielsen Media Research, the average American household watches 8 hours and 15 minutes of television per day. The average amount of time per individual is 4 ½ hours. Now add to that the time spent playing on the internet (I also love you, viral kitty videos – I do.). How ‘bout the time spent at your office desk each day (also playing on the internet – don’t lie.). Lets add in the time in the car or subway on your daily commute. My point is that our lives are filled with opportunities to plant our glute-ular regions on a soft, cushy surface and then not move… for hours at a time. Even if you manage to squeeze in some time at the gym… can an hour a day really counteract all that ‘asses in the seats’ action that happens the rest of the time?

(*Sniff) Sadly, the answer seems to be no. While most fancy studies focus on how much exercise people actually get, another depressingly dreary study chose to focus it’s attentions on how much sedentary activity we engage in – and its effects. Let me tell ya, folks – it ain’t pretty.

In a recent study published in The Journal of the American College of Cardiology, researchers have found that recreational screen time has an “independent, delirious relationship” – (sounds fun!) - with cardiovascular events and death (maybe not) of all causes, possibly because it induces metabolic changes. In actual human terms: the amount of time we spend sitting in front of a screen can have such a catastrophic impact on our bodies that there aren’t enough sit-ups, crunches or squats in the world that can undo the damage.



And the Debbie-Downers at the JACC aren’t the only harbingers of doom. Another study published last year found that men who spent more than 23 hours a week (remember those trusty folks at Nielsen Media Research) watching TV and/or sitting in their cars were more likely to die of heart disease than those who sat for 11 hours a week or less – regardless of whether or not they hit the gym. And another went for the jugular and stated that young children who watched 1 ½ to 5 hours of TV a day had higher blood pressure readings than those who watched less than half an hour.

Researcher Dr. Emmanuel Stamatakis of the department of epidemiology and public health at University College London, states that the reason might be that being sedentary may affect lipid metabolism. In an article in the New York Times Health section entitled “The Hazards of the Couch”, Dr. Stamatakis reports that “prolonged inactivity appears to sharply reduce the activity of an important enzyme called lipoprotein lipase, which is responsible for breaking down circulating blood lipids and making them available to muscles for energy.” (*blink *blink *blink – cue the stare of confusion.) He proceeds with “Lowered enzyme activity leads to higher levels of fats and triglycerides in the blood, and to a higher risk of cardiovascular disease.” Then the guy drops this little bomb: “Exercise has very little impact on the enzyme’s activity.” And to ice his cake of doom and despair, he tops it off by explaining that sitting on your tuckus for an extended period also leads to inflammation, whose best friend is heart disease, who loves it when we slouch it up in the couch zone.

The answers are clear folks, and I do apologize for the good cop/ bad cop routine (minus the good cop), but it’s high time we get movin’. (Listen, they don’t call me Captain Overshare for nothing.)



'til Next Time!